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Thursday, September 27, 2012

Sometimes You Can't Win.

This week has been...challenging. I've done a number of things to try to make it better, to have a more positive outlook, to fight the misfortune with a strong, bright attitude.

Some things I've done include meditation, positive affirmations, listening to binaural beats, focusing on intentions of success, forcing myself not to let things bother me, etc. etc. etc.

And what I have learned is while sometimes those above-mentioned things do work, as many times happiness is a choice...sometimes, however, unhappiness is unavoidable.

I'm beginning to wonder if we are supposed to go through low periods, and maybe even meant to feel depressed. Maybe it's meant for our growth. Maybe it's all part of a cycle, kind of like the water cycle, you know, starting out in a calm mood, like a lake, then evaporating into a cloud of bliss mood, and then raining down in drops of a sorrowful mood. I wonder...

Because I really have fought this low mood for a good couple of weeks, and it just seems like the more I fight it, the more opposition I get from the outside world. And it's not any one thing. It's a whole bunch of completely unrelated things, really. Some of it has to do with the personal relationships in my life, some of which are changing due to an evolution on my part. And then there's the day job, *sigh*, and what seems like a Voodoo curse that's been placed on it, and that brings up anxiety and unresolved issues from past jobs. And then there are setbacks on personal projects not coming along as I'd hoped.

And you know, it's just too much to fight with internal rays of sunshine, so frankly, I'm going to stop battling them and admit defeat for now. I'm going to wave my white flag and be a raincloud. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day...

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